The Origin of Kool-Aid Man.

Jarvis Sugarman was a mild-mannered construction worker living in the worst neighborhood Brooklyn had to offer. His life was fairly prosperous...until he was laid off and subsequently evicted. Jarvis was trying to sleep on the street when his thirst (and sweet tooth) got the best of him. Armed with an empty pitcher he found in a dumpster; Jarvis decided to break into the local Kool-Aid factory.

After stealthily avoiding a group of employees working late; Jarvis hovered over a vat of an experimental new Kool-Aid flavor. Just before the pitcher touched the surface a tendril of the liquid wrapped around his arm and pulled him in.

"Blargh! Too sweet!" was the last thing he said before drowning in it's sticky depths.

Hours later Jarvis awoke in Central Park. "I'm alive!" he exclaimed.

But something was wrong...his body was made of glass! Jarvis just sat there and marveled at the red liquid swirling inside of him until he heard screams. A woman was being mugged by two armed men! On an impulse, Jarvis lept thirty feet and landed on one of the thugs. The other pulled out a gun and opened fire. The bullets just bounced right off not even leaving a scratch. The thug ran away in horror.

The woman gasped "What? Who are you?"

Jarvis said "Uh...I'm the Kool-Aid Man I guess."

From that day forward the Kool-Aid Man used his invulnerability and super-strength to clean up the street. If you hear a boisterous "OH YEAH!" you know another criminal has been brought to justice. Sometimes he lets people get a sip of him to heal their wounds. Kool-Aid Man is even able to transform back into Jarvis Sugarman and see his family and friends again.

One day Kool-Aid Man discovered his only weakness: spillage. If he loses all his Kool-Aid before he can mix more he's boned. The Jolly Green Giant, his arch-enemy, found out and is always trying to tip him over and fuck up everyone's shit. With the occasional help of Little Debbie, Little Ceasar, and The General Mills Club of Wisconsin; Kool-Aid Man always stops The Jolly Green Giant's devious plans. His only problem is one that haunts him to this very day...

"I wish I remembered the goddamn lid."

He also molests children. Calls it "sugar-baiting".

(Story Inspired by Robin LeBlanc's tweets inquiring about the physical properties of Kool-aid Man.)